What is Normal?

What is normal in grief after pregnancy or infant loss?

Grief after the loss of a baby or child is unlike any other. There is no "right" way to grieve, and no timeline you are expected to follow. While every person's experience is unique, many bereaved parents experience some or all of the following:

• For intense grieving to last 12-24 months with many ups & downs

• Feeling physically exhausted, having trouble sleeping, or not wanting to go to sleep—or get out of bed.

• Feeling tightness, tension or pain in your throat, shoulders, neck, stomach, head. Heaviness in your chest, or a knot in your stomach.

• Experiencing an emptiness that leaves you without an appetite or makes it difficult to eat.

• Grief brain: Feeling restless, forgetting what you were saying, struggling to complete simple tasks, or finding it difficult to concentrate.

• Having physical reactions or pain such as heart palipitations, frequent sighing, yawning, gasping, or rapid breathing.

• Feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or constantly on edge.

• Wondering if you're "going crazy" because your thoughts and emotions feel so intense.

• Replaying every detail and thinking, "If only I had..."

• Asking yourself, "Why did this happen?" or "Why my baby?"

• Feeling like you don't want to keep going or wondering how you'll survive this loss.

• Feeling as though the loss isn't real, or expecting your baby to still be with you.

• Sensing your baby's presence, hearing their cry, imagining their movements (phantom kicks), or expecting to see them.

• Looking for babies who would be your child's age, or being caught off guard by pregnancy announcements, baby items, birthdays, or milestones.

• Feeling a deep need to talk about your baby, say their name, share their story, or remember every detail of their life and loss.

• Waves of Grief: Crying unexpectedly or being overwhelmed by grief without warning.

• Feeling like you're coping one day and completely overwhelmed the next.

• Experiencing profound sadness, hopelessness, or depression.

• Feeling isolated or misunderstood because others may not recognize the depth of your loss.

• Feeling the intensity of grief heighten during due dates, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, or other significant milestones. Even when we may not be thinking about it, our body remembers. This can make you feel like you are going backwards in grief. 

These reactions can feel frightening and isolating, but they are common responses to the devastating loss of a baby. Your grief is real. Your baby mattered. Your love for them did not end when their life did. You do not have to carry this alone.